the journey

Last thursday I got on the train here in Den Haag, embarkinng on a long journey. 9 hours train ride with 5 spanish girls doing interrail in a small compartment, I arrived at Berlin Hauptbahnhof. The city where we lived 7 years ago.

the culture shock

I stayed with our friends. I didn’t come to visit but to attend the Berlin Letters conference happening in Berlin that weekend. But it’s the best thing to also get to see good friends, who I haven’t seen in a long time and missed dearly.

So after a warm welcome and a good night, I left Pankow in the morning to walk to Wedding, where the conference took place. The sun was shining and I was on the hunt for a bank, urgently needing cash to buy me a well deserved brezel and more baked lye stuff. I took that hurdle, got my Brezel and was sure, I was going to have a great morning.

And I was. Just not the way I was expecting. At the end of the one hour walk, I was so confused and felt stupid. I knew Berlin and what I could expect from the people and the urban life here. My daughter was born in this city. I questioned if the pregnancy and newborn hormones got me to forget all of this, which I saw that morning.

And not to worry: nothing really happended. Just a lot of observation and Berlin I guess.

I saw a lot of dirt and rubbish in every corner of the streets and behind every bush. Dogshit all over, spilled liquids and other disgusting stuff, making me feel grateful not to have chosen sandals that morning.

I saw a lot of old people, having trouble to walk, clearly alcoholised and drugged, not at all groomed, sick, coughing and shouting at each other and me.

I saw a lot of vacant houses, vandalism, decay in urban structures, broken foothpaths and destroyed windows.

By the time I arrived, I was puzzled. It made me realize that I have lived in the Netherlands for 3 years now and how perspectives change. How much of the surrounding impacts your life and your well being. I also felt guilty for living the best life in a safe, clean and friendly city with my healthy family, making art all day. I mean, how?

After the initial shock I adapted quite fast again. The conference ( which felt like a happy island ) was great, I got to see and meet colleagues from all over, heard inspiring talks, participated in a lettering workshop and took a lot of creative input and ideas home.

On the private side, I was lucky to meet my high school friend with her second newborn. They are about to leave Berlin after 15 years. Got to hang out with my real Berliner friends, who I have met 20 years ago in the Australian bush. And stayed with our best mate and his family, eating beautiful eggs, which he got from his colleague at work, who owns a lot of chicks. I also had vegan donuts, which where suppossed to be eaten at the birthday party of my friends son, which got cancelled. And fried Udon noodles and summer rolls, while being updated by friends about life lately, which can be so different and similar at the same time.

Also the Euro soccer games where on, which again got me internally confused. Friday the germans played against Spain and lost. I missed the biggest part of the game, saw that important goal in the 89′ minute , which resulted in an extended playing time. And then I took the long way home. The streets where empty and quiet. I passed by a big police station, which was anticipating anger and frustration. And they were right. Minutes later, the game was over and I could hear the sirenes going off, police cars leaving the station one after another. The streets became busy again.

And the next day, the Netherlands were playing against Turkey. The game was held in Berlin. They closed all the fan areas and public viewing due to a stormy weather forecast. I didn’t see many orange t-shirts, but a lof of white and red flags, which felt intimidating. I watched the game with my friends on dutch tv ( thank you Magenta ) but on my tiny little phone drinking some weird coffee alcoholic drink while discussing the state and mood of current germany and our privileges.

And just like that 4 days went by. It was an inspiring trip, but also a trip down the memory lane. I left with the feeling of a warm and tight hug, still thinking about the cold shower I got the first morning though.

I collected some visual impressions in the gallery below. Oh and I even blogged about Berlin before on here, showcasing some random pictures of our last months there. Funny enough, the title is “missing berlin”. Life can be so contradicting.